Ladies And Gentlemen... The Happiness Book

(click images to enlarge)

A Very Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Christmas

Dear Ms. Satana,

It may sound odd, but whenever December rolls around, I always think of the film you so famously starred in, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! I'm guessing this is because many years ago, my wife (then my girlfriend) gave me a VHS, bootleg copy of FPKK she found on eBay. Because of this, as time goes by, I have begun to associate FPKK with Christmas.

Now, I understand Russ Meyer did not film this most exciting movie starring yourself and two other wonderful actresses portraying three, thrill-seeking go-go dancers with the intention of it being embraced as a holiday classic. However, in the last couple of years, when the New England winter starts rolling in and colored lights begin to show up on the houses in our neighborhood, I can't help but reminisce about you kicking ass all over my television.

It's weird, but each December, sometime before Christmas, I inevitably end up pulling out my VHS copy of FPKK and watching it late on a December evening. I just wanted to thank you very much for your wonderful work in this movie and let you know how much it means to my wife and myself.

Happy Holidays,

Sincerely,

-Andy

The Book of Jokes by Momus
When approaching fiction written by musicians, I've always been very trepidatious. Years ago, I had very high hopes for Nick Cave's first book, And the Ass Saw the Angel, but when I tried to read it, I found myself bored and confused.

Momus has written a novel where the advancing plot in each chapter is sprinkled with jokes and their subsequent punchlines. By using this difficult and clever tactic, Momus was able to maintain my interest if not my complete comprehension of the story. But I will attempt to describe what I thought I read.

Okay, here goes. The Book of Jokes follows two, separate plot-lines. The first is of a young man growing up in a glass house with a mother who has a lesbian lover with her same name (Joan) and a father with an enormous penis. Obviously, the character's family and living situation make setting up jokes in each chapter that much easier.

The second plot-line in The Book of Jokes is narrated by a man imprisoned with two other men who are known only as The Murderer and The Molester. The narrator's crime is never provided, though his prison mates continuously try to get this information out of him.

I suppose the novelist I would most closely compare Momus' writing style to is that of William S. Burroughs. Not so much for the drug references or hipster colloquialisms, but for the fact that when reading his work, you're not expecting a linear plot. Instead, you just kind of go with what you're given, understand what you can and enjoy the quirky humor and exotic locales described within.

Obviously this book isn't for everyone. If graphic, humorous (and more often than not incestuous), sexual situations and bizarre characters sound interesting, you may want to check this work out. Otherwise, only rabid Momus fans need apply.

Brian Eno (Eon) Shows Up In A Venture Bros. Episode

(found the image here)

(found the image here)

Should I be at all surprised that an animated program having David Bowie as the leader of an organization of supervillains would feature a character inspired by Brian Eno named Eon? I guess not. Still, it was a pleasant surprise to see the godfather of ambient music make a small cameo in this season's Venture episode titled, The Revenge Society.

Kinda Sad, Kinda True, Kinda The Best Thing I Saw Today

This is a cell phone photo I took of a page from The Goon #33.

Left to right, top row: The old man thinks about dying. The middle-aged guy thinks about sex. The little boy thinks about robots.

Left to right, middle row: The old man is still thinking about dying. The middle-aged man thinks about money. The little boy thinks about candy.

Left to right, bottom row: The old man appears miserable as he knows that death is the only thing he has to look forward to. The middle-aged man appears miserable because he has neither the love of a sexy woman nor the money he desires to make his dreams come true. The little boy is happy because his daydreams are of things either fantastical or easily attained.

Am I Really That Hideous?

(found the image here)

Ladies, please pay attention as I would like to impart some advice regarding common, public manners. I'm not saying that every woman is guilty of this and I'm sure there may even be some guys out there who have made this social faux pas.

You can call me extra sensitive and maybe I am, but I'm bringing this up because this is a social ignorance that I was confronted with on two separate occasions today alone. This happens to me all the time and I know I'm not a good looking person, but still, one's reaction to my appearance is something I know can be controlled.

I came around a corner today and a woman, whom I didn't know, jumped and exclaimed, "oh, you scared me!" Now come on! Even if I did scare you, did you have to tell me? I'm sincerely insulted. You can't keep that to yourself?

The same thing happened when I walked through a door and into a hallway at work. A woman and a man where walking by, the two of them saw me, and the broad said, "ooh! He just scared me." Really? Really? I scared you? Please!

As I mentioned earlier, I don't think I've ever heard a guy say this sort of thing, either to me or anybody else. My guess is, that for a guy to admit he's frightened is not considered masculine.

Now, I'm not asking for ladies to act manly, I would just like you gals to remember to hold your tongues the next time you turn a corner or walk into an otherwise empty room and encounter an unattractive individual. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Revisiting Spawn Comic Books 6, 7 and 8
I bought these issues of Todd McFarlane's Spawn more than ten years ago in a three pack. I may have read them back then, but I don't remember.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep Saturday night and ended up reading these issues at around 2:30am Sunday morning. Here's a brief description of each one:

Okay, so the mafia hires this cyborg killing machine who calls himself Overt-Kill to do their dirty work. The Italian bosses want to find Spawn, so they start questioning and killing homeless people because somehow they know Spawn likes to hang out with the homeless. Meanwhile, Spawn treats his homeless buddies to a story about his wife remarrying his best friend. Okay, so then the Mafia bosses get together and vote to kill Spawn, so they send Overt-Kill in to do the job. The two freaks fight it out and Spawn ends up breaking Overt-Kill's sensor which detects life and Overt-Kill leaves the fight prematurely believing Spawn dead. Spawn, who now has a broken arm, decides he needs better amunition to beat Overt-Kill, so he breaks into a military base and arms himself to the teeth.

Spawn (who's now carrying more weapons than Deadpool), teleports out of the military base in order to avoid having to fight American soldiers who have discovered him. He finds himself back in an alley with a drunken man who pulls Spawn's mask off. Suddenly, Spawn has a horrible flashback of his murderer, but he's unable to see exactly who killed his former self. Spawn ditches his cape in order to infiltrate the mafia boss's headquarters. Spawn arranges a showdown with Overt-Kill and then blows him apart with his stolen artillery.

Alright. this issue is a stand alone story that involves a fat, middle-aged pedophile who we assume is arriving in Hell. The kid toucher runs around in a jungle and finds a group of people (including a little girl) who seem very friendly. The tribe the fat guy's taken up with starts getting picked off by giant, horrible demons until it's just the child molester and the little girl. The creep sleeps and dreams of his murderer, Spawn. The fat dude wakes up and is about to hurt the little girl in her sleep when she splits open and reveals herself to be the Vindicator, a giant demon who resembles an insect. Vindicator drags his victim up to the eighth sphere and forces him to bond with a suit which looks just like Spawn's costume (of course the guy is overweight so it looks ridiculous on him). The last image is of the pedo standing in front of a gigantic Malebolgia surrounded by other, tenants of Hell, all dressed like Spawn.